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There is No Perfect Marriage: Own What You Can

Many times in our marriages we have such a tendency to put all our focus on what our spouse is or is not doing right. The issues we may be experiencing seem to be coming from their direction.

We see it so clearly. We may be willing to say that “Yes, I am not perfect.” But I think when we say that we still are meaning, “I may not be perfect, but they are so much worse!” Well, that is what I normally meant.

The reality is that it may be true that one of you is doing more, trying harder, sacrificing more for your marriage than your spouse appears to be doing. Bottom line it really does not matter, because we can only own what is ours to own.

What I mean by that is this. We can never change our spouses’ heart. (anyone’s for that matter).

We can never cause our spouse to see their sin, to have a heart to repent or change. Only God can do all that. But we cannot.


And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. ~Ezekiel 36:26 NLT


We can in love, confront behaviors that are undesirable, sinful, destructive but we cannot make the change happen.

So, what do we do? Own what you can. Start with yourself. Ask God to show you what you can do. I spent many years, trying to get Johnny to change. (that is why I know for a fact, that we can’t make someone change- because if we could, I would have done it! 😊) As God begin to work in me, He opened my eyes to see what I must look like through Johnny’s perspective. WOW, that was not pretty. I saw what at times it had cost him to be married to me.

I share this because we can only Own What You Can. Start there and see what God might do.


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