Will it Bend or Break?

I am referring to your marriage. When the storms of life come, the hard places; will it break your marriage apart, or will it bend to only to make it stronger?

I have asked myself that question more than a few times over the years. Hard things come into all our lives. Things we did not expect, did not want, did not see coming.

Anytime, we are in a hard place in our lives, it will affect our marriage. It will reveal what our marriage is made of. The challenge is to realize what may occur during the storm. 

·        Stress will press out of us, what is in us.

·        We may have different perspectives from our spouse.

·        We may revert to pervious patterns of behavior under stress.

·        We probably will each handle the stress differently.

·        We can become very self-focused, and selfish under stress.

·        We may adopt a survival mentality during this time, but it may leave out spouse out.

·        We may exhibit “coping” skills that are negative, or just misunderstood by our spouse.

·        We may end up on empty with nothing to give our spouse.

So, what do you do to not break under the pressure, but just to bend?

·        Acknowledge that you are in a hard place.

·        Realize this is a challenge.

·        Establish some ground rules/boundaries. (decide how you will treat each other, what is off limits)

·        Remind yourself and each other, that you are on the same team.

·        Allow each other to de-stress in ways that work for each of you.

·        Decide what things you can do to stay connected during this time.

·        Each of you, say what might be helpful for you - this may look very different.

·        Determine if there are some things, that you can let go of during this time, that might help decrease some of the stress or pressure.

·        Use the resources you have to assist you. (family that may be able to help, friends, take time off if possible)

·        Remind yourself that many stresses/pressures in life do not stay forever (some might).

·        Remember to give more grace to each other, we are much more likely to become hurt, frustrated, and irritated with each other during hard times.

·        Recall previous struggles that you have endured together.

Stress can break a couple apart, or the bending and the straining, can make the marriage even stronger. You can emerge, with a greater sense of commitment to one another, a deeper appreciation that two are better than one, and a three-fold cord is not easily broken.

~Carla