Well, I think the first thing we need to face is: We are not in paradise! This is not the garden of Eden. We live in a fallen world (based on our choice to sin and disobey God) so we live with all of the broken consequences including a rip in the relationship God created at the beginning.
God is the creator, designer and instructor for marriage. He knows how it will work best, but the reality is we are sinful humans who want our own way, think more highly of ourselves than we should, consider ourselves more important (many times) than our spouse. Wow, you can see that it creates a situation that loving well and enjoying the delight of marriage is not a bed of roses.
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I wish I had understood earlier in our marriage that hard doesn't have to mean “bad”.
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We can reclaim and experience part of what God intended us to have with our spouse but it will not be easy most of the time, and some of the time it will be flat out HARD! But hard does not have to mean not worth it or something you trash. It just means you embrace the reality of this incredible thing called marriage but understand that it is a journey of moving toward each other and learning what being one is all about. When I think about a journey, I imagine where I want to end up, but I also know that many times the “trip” is way more than we imagined or planned for. The journey is where all the action happens, where you have all of your experiences. It doesn’t mean you don’t want to get to your destination, but it means you are all in for the journey.
I wish I had understood earlier in our marriage that hard doesn't have to mean “bad”. It just means it will be the journey of God working through me to love Johnny unconditionally (in spite of how he acts, behaves or meets my needs). It means I am on this adventure to learn how to love him well. Now, I certainly want him to be learning the same things about me; but that is not my primary focus. I can only move toward loving him the best way I know how.
So, when you think or hear, marriage is hard. Just say to yourself (or whoever might be saying it). “You are right it is hard. But hard can mean something really worthwhile.” It can mean learning to taste what God had in mind when He created marriage. You don’t want to miss the sweet spots just because the journey is hard, that’s what makes it more incredible.
~Carla
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