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When Your Spouse Feels Like Sandpaper

Have you ever felt like everything your spouse did or said was like sandpaper on your skin? What they said or did was not funny, it was irritating, or just plain weird. They were simply rubbing you the wrong way.

Recently I had that experience. Johnny was just feeling like sandpaper to me. I started to feel “cranky” back toward him. Then I realized (well I am fairly certain it was the Holy Spirit) that maybe it was me. I thought “I need to check myself.”

Sometimes when we realize our mate is rubbing on us, we need to stop and check some things. I think a good place to start is with some questions.

Am I tired?

This is a big one for me. I need a certain amount of sleep (more than the average bear), it just is what it is. I have been this way my whole life. I do not function well without sleep. I realize that our life stages can really impact this. But the reality is we all need the amount of sleep that our body requires and that may mean we have to get creative at times. Do you need to be able to take a nap? Can you hire a baby sitter to help you do that? (No, I am not kidding.) Figure out how to get the sleep you need.

Have I had enough time to recharge me?

Now I realize some of you just fainted when you read that. You are saying, “Yeah, right Carla how in the world do I have time for that, or have help to be able to do that?” Again, we each know what we need to recharge, each of us do that in different ways. But it is critical that we figure out how to make it happen. Maybe you need some alone time, (again sitter, family etc.) or maybe you need time with others to recharge.


"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

(Matthew 11: 28, ESV)


Have we had “us” time recently?

Again, I get it. It is hard to make this happen; but it is imperative. Sometimes we are rubbing each other the wrong way, because we have not had enough time together. We are feeling the emotional drift and many times the lack of sexual intimacy. That’s right, we may not even realize we really do need that physical/sexual connection, but we do. It is part of what literally cleaves us back together.

Where am I spiritually? Have I drifted?

Many times, when we are not drinking from the well of God’s word daily, our spirit is not being fueled which allows my flesh to seem stronger and more real than my spirit.

So next time you feel the sandpaper rub, ask yourself some questions. Back to Johnny, I really was the one that needed to check myself. He really wasn’t behaving any differently; but guess what? I was. I was tired, my tank was running low, and I needed some recharge time. Time to lay my burdens down. Time to rest in Jesus.


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