When the Wine Runs Out in Your Marriage

What does that phrase mean to you? For many, it may be just what it says - “You don’t have any more wine!”  Some may be reminded of a song with that title. But for most believers, we are aware of that line about wine running out because it refers to the setting in which Jesus performed His first public miracle. It is recorded in John 2:2-5.

 The setting is a wedding. Just like today (maybe even more so) weddings were a time of great celebration, and feasting.  In this setting, the wine has run out and it’s not near time for the event to be over. This would be similar to the food being gone, before even half the guests had been served. It would be a huge embarrassment to the hosts. It was a blight on them, to have miscalculated or not been able to provide for the guests that they invited. 

Jesus is at this wedding celebration and his mom is there. She is friends with the parents (she knows how embarrassing and totally humiliating this will be for them). She goes to Jesus and tells him that the “Wine has run out.” He says, “What does that have to do with us? (he was with his disciples). He tells her that His time has not come. But, for whatever reason, she looks at the servants and says, “Whatever He says to do, just do it.” (John 2:5, NIV)

I just love that! She did not know what He was going to do. But she gave that directive. So many times, in our lives, we really don’t know what or how God is going to do something.  We know we have a need, but we have no idea how He might answer it. 

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We don’t know what Jesus might be getting ready to do (or is doing and we can’t see it). So, in the meantime, what do we need to do?

Do what Jesus says.

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Our marriages are like this at times. All we really know is that it seems the wine has run out (the delight, the fullness, the desire). We are just empty. We have turned the bottle upside down; we have tried to drain every drop but it’s no use. There is not anything left, but maybe the faint whiff of what was sweet wine. We really have no idea what to do next. 

This is where the directive that Mary gave the servants is so powerful. She just told them to do whatever He told them to do. What if we took that same advice? What if we do what we know God has told us to do. We remind ourselves of what we know to be true, and we do those things. 

Maybe that is being willing to admit that we are empty, we need help. Maybe we have gotten so distracted with life and business, and all of the “stuff” that we have lost track of what is important. We have stopped doing what we did at first. We have drifted due to lack of intentionality. We stopped putting wine back into the jar.  We stopped filling up our spouse with words of encouragement, or kind thoughtful deeds. We just let it slowly empty. 

Maybe we need to ask ourselves if there is any unforgiveness in our hearts toward our spouse. Are we holding on to an offense or offenses? Are we keeping track, and reviewing all of the grievances? Has our heart become stone cold, because we refuse to forgive? 

Maybe because the emotions feel cold, and empty, we wrongly have started to believe that the wine really has run out, and this thing is over. Don’t believe that lie!  If you are in Christ, then you belong to the God of miracles. When Jesus told the servants to fill the jars with water, that must have seemed ridiculous to them. Thank heavens they did it, even though there would have been know way for them to know what was getting ready to happen. It is the same with us. We don’t know what Jesus might be getting ready to do (or is doing and we can’t see it). So, in the meantime, what do we need to do? Do what Jesus says. Follow what we know He has already told us in His word. Because we don’t know if we are just one water jar toward the miracle of new wine! 

~Carla