When is it OK to Not Talk to Your Spouse?

Some of you may be thinking, “well there are lots of times”. This may be true but I want to focus on what I suggest are really bad times. There are times that it is the wisest thing to not have the conversation. This is the acronym that we created. 

T. R.A.S.H. 

T= Tired

R=rushed 

A=angry

S=sick

H=hungry 

When you are tired it is generally best not to start or have that conversation. Now, I realize sometimes whether you are tired or not, you have to have some communication about some things.  (Some of you are saying is there ever a time I am not tired?). I get it, but sometimes it is probably worse than others. When you realize you are tired or your spouse is tired, try and table that conversation. Maybe you may mention that you need to have it, but when would be a better time. 

Being rushed does not usually ever provide the time you may need to discuss something, or work something out. If you are headed out the door, or have some other time limitation, don’t start the conversation, again mention it, or table it. Do plan a time to talk but don’t try and rush something that needs more time. 

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Don’t let T.R.A.S.H make a mess of things!

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When you feel angry (check out previous blogs and podcasts on anger), it is never a good time to deal with something. You need to acknowledge there is an issue, a problem, but don’t keep trying to deal with it in the “heat” of the moment. Allow your emotions to cool. If you keep on the path, you will end up saying or doing something you may egret.  Regrets are hard to live with, you can’t unsay what has been said. If you really want to deal with the problem then allow time to bring your emotional level down and decide when and where you will deal with the issue. 

Everyone hates being sick, whether a common cold type of inconvenience illness, to something much more serious. No one is at their best when their body is fighting an infection or having painful physical symptoms (even just a bad headache).  When one of you is sick, be gracious and table the discussion. 

Being hungry and getting “Hangry” has become a T.V. goldmine. Yes, for some of us being hungry really does make us irritable, not focused and just plain “Hangry”. If this is one or both of you, then make a pact to get something to eat before you start into a conversation that might be more challenging. Even if you start out a discussion and then realize I need a “snack” for this, by all means stop, get a snack and then resume. 

This may seem very elementary but some many times in our marriages we make the mistake of trying to have meaningful conversations or work through something and one of these T.R.A.S.H items is in place. We think it is wise to make an agreement with your spouse that if one of these things is going on, you will pause and plan another time to have the conversation. 

Don’t let T.R.A.S.H make a mess of things!

~Carla