What Does Your Man Want?

I have to be real and tell you that I had no idea for a good part of my marriage what my husband wanted and needed. In full self-disclosure, I failed at this in many ways. But the good news is I do know now. I have even learned how to live this out (well most of the time 😀). We have an acronym for what a man wants. Like the acronym for what a woman wants, C.H.A.S.E., it may not be that this works for your husband, but it just might. 

The acronym for what a man wants is C.A.S.H. Like what man doesn’t like CASH right?

C= Companionship - a man generally builds relationships with others through shared activities, things that they “do” together. A man wants his wife to be willing to “do” things that he wants and likes to do. What is funny is how many times we (women) will do all kinds of things when we are dating (hunting, fishing, car shows, sporting events, gaming, hiking etc.) to just be with the man we “love”. I even know someone who learned “bird” calls because that was what the guy was into. The challenge is that after you get married, you may tend to stop doing what you were willing to do before you married. Our husbands want us to have shared experiences with them. (No I don’t mean everything), but we need to be willing to enter their world and share things that they are interested in. 

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We need to be their biggest supporter, their admirer. We need to champion the man we have; not the one we “imagine”.

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A= Admiration - a man at his core needs to be admired, respected and valued. They are wired to need to know that who they are and what they do matters. It is valuable. Deep down they may fear failure (not being enough, not providing, not measuring up). I unfortunately did not realize for many years the depth of this need within my husband. I did not understand that my “pushing, complaining, and comparing” were like a stab to him. We need to be their biggest supporter, their admirer. We need to champion the man we have; not the one we “imagine”. 

S=Sex - Yes, you knew this was coming up. I think what is interesting is that yes, most men in almost every kind of survey (secular or religious) say this is one of their top needs. We need to heed this. There is a physical need that is there on a very frequent basis for most men; but what is also true is that God designed sex this way to help bring a man back toward his wife in a consistent, rhythmic way.  So, be wise and don’t use it as a weapon, but know that this area is like a small amount of dynamite. It is powerful (handle carefully). 

H= Home - needs to be a place that is a refuge. It needs to be the shelter in the storm of life (the dog-eat-dog world) that we live in every day. Coming home should feel safe, comfortable, and restful. Yes, figuring how to balance this between the two of you and children etc. can be a challenge. But you want your husband to want to come home. You want your home to be a haven! 

So, there you have it. Most men need some version of C.A.S.H. If you don’t think your husband does, then ask him what he needs. Knowing what they want is the first step toward helping that become a reality. 

~Carla