This is the side of marriage that is challenging. The reason it is challenging is because this is where God does His work on us. As I wrote in the last blog, marriage has two primary focuses. Because marriage is so very personal and exposing, we cannot hide. What and who we really are comes out in marriage in a way it does not anywhere else. I can hide much of my “ugly” self from friends, co-workers etc., but not my husband. He sees it all, up close and personal.
God has used my husband, like most nothing else in my life, to change me, to sanctify me, to remove layer by layer that which is ugly, selfish, deceitful, and horrid. You may ask, how did God do that? Well, it was a process of seeing so much of those “ugly” things come to the surface every time I did not get my way, or hurt, or disappointed, or frustrated. I wanted my husband to do what I wanted, be what I wanted, and honestly be something I had created in my mind, that was not him at all. I spent many years fighting this. I was certain I was right. My husband needed to do certain things, behave a certain way, meet my standards and when he did not, I acted “ugly”.
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God will use your husband to reveal things about yourself, see truths that you may be denying, or teach us to trust God even when it is hard.
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But God, in His loving wisdom, was teaching me that I was trying to make my husband be something God never intended him to be. He would never be perfect, he would never do it the way I wanted, and he would never love me flawlessly. Only God is perfect, only He can satisfy my deepest needs. He alone is the only one that can ever love me without fail! God wanted me to stop trying to make my husband be what only God can be to me. All of my “ugly” behaviors came from a place of trying to make my husband meet all my needs.
I wish I could say I caught on quickly to what God was showing me; but I did not. I held on tightly to the lie that if my husband would just do “right”, I would be good. It was a lie. As God continued to work on me (through the frustration of my marriage), I ultimately came to see the truth that God alone gives me a secure love. He used my marriage to teach me incredible things about Him. He gave me eyes to see my husband in a totally new way and when that happened, it was so freeing. It was awesome!
The challenge is that when you are in the midst of God using your husband to teach you something or change you; it is hard! It is the place that we may be tempted to say, this marriage does not work, it is too hard, it is not what I signed up for! But, remember that as a believer, God will use your husband to reveal things about yourself, see truths that you may be denying, or teach us to trust God even when it is hard. God has eternal purposes that He will accomplish through our marriages. It may be the “hard” side of the coin, but it has incredible riches if we understand what God is up to.
~Carla
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