In the last blog we talked about how our families impact us, they may not live with us, but they are there! Today I want to ask you to think about when you first started getting serious with your husband and when you first met his family. What did you think? Did you like them? Did they welcome you? Were they similar to your parents or were they really different? At that time, did you even think about the fact that if you chose to marry their son, you would have them in your life for the long haul?
I think if we are honest (or if we can remember 😀) we probably did not really think through all of the ramifications of what “his” family was like. I mean you probably wanted to like them, you wanted to fit in, you wanted it to be good- right? But, did you realize that they would have an impact for years to come? I know that I did not think that way, I did want my husband’s family to like me, and to fit in, but I really did not understand that when I said “Yes,” to my husband I also said “Yes,” to his family.
There are times that we want to say, “No, I married you, not your family” and in some regards that is true; but in many practical ways your spouse’s family is attached to you now! (I know sometimes that feels scary). It may feel scary because we can’t control it, we can’t cut our spouse off from his family (well in most cases). Their presence, whether up-close or far away, whether by words, behaviors or opinions impacts us.
So, what do we do with the fact that we really are intertwined with our spouse’s family? Well, we first may need to acknowledge a few things:
Our spouses’ family may be different, but different doesn’t mean it has to be bad.
Our spouses' family may behave in ways that challenge us; but that doesn’t mean good can’t be found.
Our spouses' family may express love in ways we are not familiar or comfortable with, but this may teach us to move out of our comfort zone.
Our spouse’s family may overstep at times, and this gives us opportunities to extend grace and forgive.
The reality is that our spouse's family may be awesome and wonderful or, maybe not. They may challenge us in ways we did not expect. We did not see the family trailing behind our spouse at the wedding 🙂. (or maybe you did 😣).
There are certainly times when we have to set boundaries on how, when, or what we can do with our family. It may be that to safeguard your marriage you must do this. This is hard and it is a place where you and your spouse must work through this together. Your marriage is the most important thing, you have to protect it. Hopefully, it does not have to be severe or extreme with your family, but at times it might be. This is hard! But you must be wise and do what is best for your marriage.
Most of the time, extreme measures are not necessary, but learning to love and accept our families may not be a cake walk. But what I do know is that God will use your spouse’s family to teach you, challenge you but just maybe to also love and support you.
~Carla
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