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Take 30 for Your Marriage


I was thinking the other day about how frustrated I was about several things. I was making a laundry list in my mind. My next thought was I know I don’t need to do this. But then I remembered that there is a way to do this that is wise and a way that is not wise.


The wise way allows me to acknowledge all the issues. I will call them cow pies. The cow pies are real. They are there. They are everywhere that I look. To not acknowledge that is foolish. So, what I did was list them all, really stare at them, think about them, count them, and consider them. I did this for 30 minutes. Now some of you just thought- Are you kidding 30 minutes! Others of you, thought no way- I need 30 days. But this is the key, a limited time to look at the cow pies.


Why can’t we take all the time we want? Because if we do then our mind’s focus will be on the cow pies and nothing else. They will obscure everything else. Yes, there may be lots of them, but there may also be grass around them or areas where there are not as many. But if I constantly focus on the cow pies that becomes my total reality. I will filter everything through that mindset. I believe that is why God tells us in Philippians:

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"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy- mediate on these things."

(Philippians 4:8, NKJV)


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This often happens in our marriages. We may become aware of all the cow pies. Things we wish were different, ways we wish our spouse would behave or not behave, disappointments, irritations, frustrations and hurt. The wise way says I will acknowledge the cow pies. I will ask God to show me if there are cow pies that I need to move. Are there ones that I just need to step around for the time? Are there ones that even if I step on them, I must trust that God in His infinite wisdom can work even in the mess?


The 30 minutes allows us to do this but then, to put it down (or lock it in a box). You don’t keep thinking on it. You don’t keep remembering and seeing the cow pies. You choose to instead see what else is there besides the cow pies. It may only be a small patch of grass and you may need to really look for it. But choose to do that. Take your 30 minutes, but no more.


~Carla

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