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Marriage and the Holidays

When you think about the holidays, does the Norman Rockwell picture ever come to your mind? Do you think of the commercials with the Clydesdale horses pulling the carriage through the snow? Do you envision the perfect family gathering?

If I am honest, I do. I think about how it should be. Part of what can make the holidays challenging is that this picture-perfect image we have in our minds, really does not exist. There is not a perfect family gathering.

Many times, what happens during the holidays is that everything that is not right, is hard, disappointing or difficult seems to be in sharp contrast to the way we think it should be. The way we want it to be. It is like our pain and our problems are under a spot light. Every flaw is evident. The holidays magnify the disconnect between the image, and the reality.

This can over flow into our marriages also. If we are not careful, we can feed right into this false image. We may start to think:

  • Why doesn’t my husband give me a meaningful gift?

  • Why doesn’t my husband help me with all of the extra things that have to be done?

  • Why can’t we be like that other couple?



The “why” and “why not” can eat away at us and rob us of the gifts right in front of us. Might I suggest that when we are tempted to go down this path of thinking we fight it.

God has given us multiple principles in his word to help us fight this. Here are a few.


As we think about the holidays let’s ask God to give us eyes to see and savor all that is good. Let’s look for ways to focus on what we have, not what we don’t. Let’s decide to find ways to bless our spouse and others, even if it is not reciprocated. Let’s ask God to so fill us with contentment and joy in what He has done for us and the promise of what we have for all eternity.

We may not have a Norman Rockwell holiday; but we can have a holiday that says I know the One that is the only source of perfection and one day, I will live in that forever. Until that day, I will choice to bless and give thanks for those that are in my life.

Merry Christmas! May God's peace and love fill your hearts!


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