Is There a Chill in Your Marriage?

I love a chill in the air as the fall season approaches. When you live in the south, you are tired of the hot days of summer and long for the first chill you feel. (Well, I do anyway). It feels so nice. But the same is not true when we are talking about your marriage. As I said in the last blog, the summer is a wonderful season for marriage. You want to stay as long as you can, but sometimes the chill of fall starts to happen, the slight change in color, and a coolness starts to set in. 

          What should you do if this happens? Well, the first thing to do is recognize that it may happen. Life happens; unintended events may take our eyes off our marriage. We may start to lose track of each other in times that are stressful, and taxing. But, if that happens, we need to let the change of color and the chill be a wakeup call. The leaves turning colors in fall is breathtaking, but not so much in marriage. The subtle changes, and the coolness toward each other needs to get our attention.

          Once you realize there is a chill in the air what do you do? Ask yourself first what your part is in this? Have you lost your intentionality toward your spouse? Is something in life causing you to shut them out? Are you doing too much? Have you filled your life with so many things (even good things) that you have left no time for your spouse. See if you can identify where the drift started, when and what caused it. If you do identify a cause, what can you do to correct it? Do you need to alter the schedule? Do you need to schedule time together? (remember being intentional is really the only way to make things happen). What needs to change to get you back on track?

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The leaves turning colors in fall is breathtaking, but not so much in marriage. The subtle changes, and the coolness toward each other needs to get our attention.

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          I would next suggest that you talk to your spouse about this. Have they sensed a change in the air? Do they feel or notice the chill? I believe God wired wives to be the barometer of the relationship. Not totally responsible for it, but just intuitively aware of shifts and changes. God made a woman to be relational. He created us to be in a relationship with our spouse. We know in our heart and soul if things are not right. This is a good thing. Use it, be aware of the chill, ask your spouse about what they think. Maybe your spouse is aware, or maybe they are not but if you think you feel the chill, then take action. Share what you are thinking and seeing with them. It may be that you are like the canary in the coal mine. You may be way more sensitive to a change in the atmosphere. But that is wonderful, because if you see or feel it, then there is a chance to do something before it becomes a cold wind. 

          Many times, the hard places in life, the transition times, are when there is the risk that the chill starts. We stopped doing the things we had been doing in spring and summer. We let our guard down, we stop wanting and needing each other. We are not pouring into each other. The relationship starts to cool off.  So, beware of transition times, and changes that are likely to create an atmosphere that can move you toward the fall. Leaves are beautiful in the fall, but then, they turn brown and fall off. Don’t let your marriage do that. When you feel the first hint of the fall season, take action, move to do what you can to move toward the summer. Don’t let the fall catch you unaware, don’t let it progress to its next natural course which is winter. When you feel the chill, take action! 

~Carla