I am not talking about physical intimacy (I hope you do but that is only part of it). I am asking about a level of deep connection that extends into all areas of your life. One of the purposes for our marriages is that we experience intimacy with our husband that is different from any other human relationship that we have. God designed us to be relational, because He is relational. We will hopefully experience different levels of intimacy in our relationships. All of our relationships that are deep and truly connected will have some degree of intimacy but it will look different depending on the relationship. Parent to child, friend to friend, or other family relationships will all have various aspects of intimacy, but none were designed to be like our marriage.
Our marriage has the possibility of being intimate in every way. We can have emotional, spiritual, experiential, intellectual and physical intimacy. We can only have all of those with our husband. So, the question remains: do you have an intimate relationship with your spouse? Over the next couple of blogs, I will talk about each area a little more in detail, but this is a broad stroke. If you had to score the level of intimacy you have currently with your husband on a scale of 1-10 (ten being the highest), what would your score be? Be honest. Think about where you are overall and allow this to be a “check-up” or “check-in” if the score is not what you would like it to be. What can you do?
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I am “naked” and unashamed; I am an open book that He loves to read over and over. At times, he knows me better than I know myself, and he still chooses to love me and accept me.
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Start by evaluating is it higher or lower than it has been in the past? Are you even certain what is meant by intimacy? If you had to describe intimacy in a general sense to someone else, what words would you use?
I will go first :). If I were to have coffee with you and you asked me “What does intimacy look like?” this is what I might say, “Intimacy will not “look” the same in any two marriages, every couple is unique and one of a kind. No other marriage is like yours, so what intimacy looks and feels like for you, may be really different than it does for me, so don’t compare.” I would probably share with you some words that describe it for me. I think of intimacy as my husband having access to every part of me. It means he gets the way I think, the way I process, the quirks I have. He reads between the lines, and even hears what I did not say. I am safe to share my heart (my shame, my sin, my dreams, desires, and flaws). I am “naked” and unashamed; I am an open book that He loves to read over and over. At times, he knows me better than I know myself, and he still chooses to love me and accept me.
I would go on to say that for many years I would not have been able to tell you anything about it really, because I did not understand it myself. Developing intimacy in your marriage is a life-long journey. It is part of what makes it so incredible. Maybe we never totally get there, because it is a process. Maybe we don’t because part of what God is doing in our marriages by allowing us to explore the depths of intimacy with our husband is because God is wanting us to taste this in marriage so we yearn for intimacy with Him.
So, if you are not where you want to be (don’t despair, remember it’s a journey), then let’s start moving toward increased intimacy. Over the next weeks we will talk about “how” you can start with the first step.
~Carla
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