That is really a trick question, because there is not such a thing as finding yours and yes, I purposely spelled it differently. Now, the movies and books are all about finding your soulmate, right? I mean you find “the one” and all is right.
The truth is there are several things wrong with this mindset. What are the odds with billions of people on the planet that you will find your soulmate? Suppose that was even possible, then the first person that married the “wrong” one would mess everyone else up. But, the most important reason is that God’s word never teaches that. It gives us principles and teaches us what to look for in a spouse, but not that there is a soulmate for us to find.
The biggest danger with this mindset is what it can falsely lead you to think. Suppose you do think you found your soulmate but years down the road things change. Your husband is not the same man you married. You now see things you did not see, there are things you don’t like, you are not satisfied anymore. Well, what are you probably going to think? It may sound something like this. “I must have just married the wrong man. I thought we were soulmates, but I was wrong. I need to go find my soulmate.” This is a deception.
We do not need to find our soulmate; we need to become the sole-mate to the one we choose to marry. One of the things that I am grateful for is that I really did not believe that I had to find my soulmate. For that I am glad because if I had, I would have absolutely believed I got the wrong one! I would definitely have thought I made a mistake.
Now, as you gasp, let me explain. I would have thought that I must have married the wrong man, because surely marriage cannot be this hard. Certainly, someone that better suited me, would have made things easier. I would have probably thought I had good reason to bail out and find the right “one”.
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We need to become the sole-mate to the one we choose to marry.
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But God, (oh I love those words in scripture). God's plans are usually not our plans. God's ways are different from ours. Isaiah 55:8 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” God’s plan for marriage is higher and holier. His desire is that for believers, our marriage will reflect the love that Jesus has for his bride, the church. In our marriages we are to image that kind of loving, sacrificial, honoring relationship to those around us.
How in the world can that happen? Well, it happens as God uses my husband to change me, to teach me, to humble me, to help me learn what real love is and does. I have learned what it means to love the way God intends, not because it was easy, but because God was showing me how to become a sole-mate to my husband.
It is absolutely a process, it is a journey of becoming one, experiencing what really being a sole-mate means. Along the journey some of us at times may think “Wow, certainly this person can’t be right for me.” Don’t buy it! Remind yourself that God can and is in the process of making you be the sole-mate to your husband.
~Carla
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