First Things First

What did you enjoy about your spouse when you first met them? What were some of the first dates or things you did together? Now here are the harder questions, do you remember what you did? Do you still do any of those first things? 

Why do I ask this? For two reasons. One is that many times as life moves on, with all of the challenges, stresses, enjoyment, and distractions we forget what we did at first. We stop doing what we did. Life and the pace of life get in the way. The second reason is that in the book of Revelation 2: 4-5, (NIV) says “Yet, I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen.” Now this verse, in context, is John writing about the vision God gave him related to the end times. God has a word that He gives concerning the seven churches. So, this word is to a particular church, but the principle is powerful and can also be a reminder concerning our marriages. 

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Rekindle the flame, restore what may have been lost. Do the first things again. 

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This church was doing many good things, but God calls them out saying BUT you have left your first love (meaning Him). This is a good question for all believers to ask periodically. It is also a good assessment of how your marriage is doing. Have you forgotten or left your first love? Have you stopped doing what you did at first that helped your marriage grow, connect with each and experience what God intended our marriages to be? 

If you realize you have let your first love grow cold, get stale may I suggest a few things?  

Acknowledge that you have stopped doing what you first did. Go back and think about what were the things that you did to build intimacy, connection and enjoyment with each other?  Pick at least one thing and start to re-introduce that into your relationship. Maybe it was something that was special and unique to you as a couple, maybe it was a ritual that you had, maybe it was special “words” or codes you used just for each other. 

          It may be that some of the things you did at first, maybe activities might not be an option, but other things probably can be. Think about one thing your husband used to love that you did with him. Is it something he still does, but maybe you stopped tagging along years ago? What about if you asked him if you might join him? How that might shock and startle him, but what do you have to lose? What if he says yes, and you join him, and it rekindles something you have long ago forgotten about. Maybe it might not happen at first (your husband may be in shock and not believe what you are up to) but keep asking to go with him. Keep reaching out. Keep trying to reconnect

In Revelation 2:5, God gives them several things to do, but one of them is do the things you did at first. For many of us, that may be a good word, go back and do what you did at first in your marriage. Rekindle the flame, restore what may have been lost. Do the first things again. 

~Carla