I am going to go out on a limb and be bold and say “No, and absolutely No!”. I know this because I know what God says about us. “There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God.” Romans 3:10 (NIV). We also know from the book of James “We all stumble in many ways.” James 3:2 (ESV). So, we all mess up, we are not perfect people so therefore there will never be a perfect marriage.
Now that is not to depress us, it is to remind us that we can’t expect perfection from our husband any more than they can expect it from us. We need to acknowledge this so we are not setting ourselves up for unrealistic expectations about what our marriage is and should be.
What we want to do is realize even though it will not be perfect it is meant to be so much more than many of us realize. I think many times we settle. What I mean by that is we settle for it being "ok." It’s not bad, it’s not great, but it’s "ok." That may work for many things in our lives but it should not for our marriages.
God has clearly given us guidelines in His word concerning our marriage relationship. When God created marriage, Adam was in the garden, before the fall in a perfect place with a perfect relationship with God. Yet, God is the one who said it is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper for him. God created and knew that we as human beings have this incredible need for other human beings. God could have done it anyway He chose. But God chose to put a man and a woman in this relationship called marriage. He delighted to meet this need for Adam and Eve. He continues to delight to meet this need for us in our marriage relationships.
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The way we move toward a marriage that is not perfect but is great, is to be intentional.
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So here comes the big BUT; It does not mean it is easy, or it comes naturally. We naturally tend to do what works for us, is in our best interest, and many times may be totally selfish. The way we move toward a marriage that is not perfect but is great, is to be intentional. We have to decide what it is we want out of our marriage. Then we have to be intentional about how we will get there. If we just sit and dream, or bemoan the marriage we have and never really think about where we want to be, and how to get there, we will never move! We will be stuck in "ok" (at best).
If you want to move toward great, then paint a picture of what that would look like. If next year this time, your marriage was in a great place, what does that mean? Ask your husband if you all can do this for a date night. Each of you write down what a great marriage would look like for you. Then have a date night and go over your list. Is it the same? Are you on different planets? Can you find common ground?
Once you decide where you want to go, then make a plan on how you can start moving toward it. Make concrete, small steps that you can measure and track your progress. We will never have a perfect marriage but we can and should desire a great one. Let’s do the work of being intentional and see what God might have in store for you.
~Carla
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