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Become "the One"

I am a romantic at heart. I watch romance movies with my wife. I tear up during commercials. Crazy, I know. One thing I never bought into though was the idea of finding my soulmate. The idea of the existence of “the one” right person for me to spend my life with doesn’t make sense. With billions of people in the world, how would you ever find them? What if my soulmate was already with someone else? Am I just out of luck, doomed to a life of unhappiness?

The first mention of the soulmate that I could find in literature was in a letter from Samuel Taylor Coleridge who said you had to have a "soul-mate" to be happy in marriage. Plato references the poet Aristophanes who said that people were once connected to their other half but that we were separated from them by Zeus. The idea being that we would spend our lives searching for our other half, our soulmate, rather than challenging the gods.


"...truth does not change

no matter what our culture believes."


Instead of a futile search for "the one,"I believe that for those that desire to marry, God allows us to choose with these two limitations. First is the principle of being equally yoked. Christians should date and marry another Christian. Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” The most intimate relationships in our life should be with other believers. The second principle is that marriage is between a man and a woman. That is God’s truth from the beginning. That truth does not change no matter what our culture believes.

If you are single and still searching or, if you are married, our focus should be allowing God to transform us into “the one” for our future or current spouse. These are some of the key character qualities and practices of a godly husband, the kind of husband a godly woman would desire.

·       Pursue a vibrant relationship with Christ. Spend time daily in prayer and reading scripture. Pray for and with your wife.

·       Be open and honest with your wife. Don’t keep things from her.

·       Practice and develop good communication skills. This includes being vulnerable and sharing with her your fears and desires. Develop strong listening skills.

·       Be a servant leader. Put your wife’s needs ahead of your own. Even in sex, her pleasure and desires should come before yours.

·       Be a man of your word. If you say you are going to do something, do it.

·       Learn to cherish your wife. Let her know that after your relationship with Christ, she is your first priority.

·       Take the initiative in growing your relationship. Don’t wait on you wife to do it. Be the leader that God calls you to be.

I would love to say I do all of these things all the time, but I don’t. I can say that for the past forty years God has molded me into being the husband I need to be. He is not finished, but he has transformed me in so many ways. Day by day, moment by moment, God continues to forge me into “the one” that my wife desires and deserves.


Keep on forging,


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