The reality is for many of us there will be times and seasons when our marriage may not be in a good place. It sometimes is a hard reality to face that fact. For many of us, especially believers, we may have a hard time admitting that there are issues in our marriage, or things are not what they were, or what we want them to be. But the wisest thing we can do is admit where we are, and decide we want to do something about it.
So, if you find yourself at that place, I would suggest a couple of things for you to do. If you can, talk to your husband about what you are feeling and thinking. This is not a blame game. You are simply wanting your husband to know what is going on inside of you. Many times, a man may not be aware of what is happening with our emotions, our sense of being valued, cherished, respected, and honored. This may be especially true if there has not been any “significant” event that would make them think things are not good. For many men, if we are not yelling, throwing things, or withholding certain things, then all is good. They could be clueless. So, to be fair you want to share with them where you are. This may or may not open up a chance to talk about your relationship, but at least you have been open and honest about how you are feeling.
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Truth is always liberating; it is always the best way forward. Blindness and denial are only bondage.
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Next, tell them you would like to improve things, you don’t want to continue to feel the way you are, and you want them to be satisfied too (they may say they are). Ask them what they might be willing to do. Would they be willing to go talk with someone? This could be a counselor, but it also could be a marriage coach. You want to try and convey that you just want things to be better. You want a great marriage. So, could talking with someone give you an opportunity to maybe learn some things, get some new ideas or tools you could use to improve and strengthen your marriage. If they are not willing at this time, it does not mean that they never will. You may just tell them that you would like to talk with someone that might be able to work with you. Even if they are not open to getting assistance right now, you may move toward getting help yourself.
Ask God to show you what He wants you to see. This is tough! Every time Johnny and I went to get some help, I ended up being told things I did not want to be told! Like seriously, I think they should have been able to see “who” was creating much of the problem, but somehow there was always something God wanted to teach me. I many times would balk at what I heard, but later I would realize how blinded I was. I had a telephone pole in my eye, even though I thought I could clearly see the “stick” in Johnny’s eye. The reality is that God will often use another voice of wisdom and counsel to speak truth into our lives. We may not like it at first, but what God tells us is truth. In John 8:32 Jesus says, “You shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (NIV) Truth is always liberating; it is always the best way forward. Blindness and denial are only bondage.
I believe that there is power in God showing us things about ourselves, and then by His power we start to change. It may be that God will change things in your heart and mind and then it will come forth in a change in behavior to your husband. It really may be the power of that change that moves your husband to want to join you on this journey to move toward a better marriage.
~Carla
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